I think I stopped romanticizing about this because it's so rare to see couple who are truly happy with each other, at least very few around me.

Wow - you've packed so much in here. I need to look up singleish for myself. I am in a secure relationship and while I said I need the next few years to see my kids through college, there is an underlying expectation of commitment after. I don't know how I feel about that. like you, I don't want to hurt anybody but this is all new to me and still getting a handle on what it is that I'd be comfortable with.