Oh Anne.....it's like we are two same-aged people going through the exact same journey. I too read Isay's book that gave me some direction. I've written about my complicated relationship with my mother juxtaposed with my relationship with my teenagers. Yes, I too have come to the realization that my 77-year old mother is not going to change. I am changing the way I respond, I have changed my expectations. I no longer look to her for nurturance and instead I am spending the time nurturing myself.