Oh Darren, my heart went out to you as I read this story. I suspected Billy from the. Wey beginning. I too know the feeling of not wanting to disappoint my mother and I think I did exactly that all my life. I can also relate to your mom’s fear as a mother who doesn’t want her kids to follow in their father’s foot steps of repeating negative behaviors. I’m sorry for the spanking you didn’t deserve and how this whole incident stayed with you. Hugs!!