This is no consolation at all, but with age I have realized that life has a way of teaching us different lessons and gives us experiences that result in growth, and people enter and exit our lives as vessels to deliver those lessons. I am sorry that the relationship didn't work out but in hindsight, aren't you glad that you are not with this avoidant person for life? You had some good years and had great expat experiences that have resulted in your growth. Yes, he could have been more upfront about his intentions or opinions about marriage, but it took him three years to reveal himself. Now you know better and will be more alert to the signs.